Learn to Speak Your Partner’s
Love Language For Valentine’s Day
Happy Valentine’s Day from Madly In Love Forever! It’s that time of year when we want to communicate our love to our partner. Traditional Valentine’s Day gifts include chocolates, flowers and lingerie. Seems simple and yet, not all spouses feel loved by these gifts.
Why? As humans we give and receive love differently. Keeping this love alive in marriage takes awareness and the desire to do something about it. Marriages dry up when we don’t know how our spouses receive love.
Author and marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, proposes five love languages and states that “people speak different love languages.” In linguistics, there are major language groups such as Spanish, German and Japanese. If we want to communicate in Spain, we learn Spanish. It’s the same in love. If we want to communicate love effectively, we must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language.
No matter how hard you try to express yourself, if your partner’s love language is different from yours, then you will never understand how to communicate love to your partner until you learn his or her love language. Dr. Chapman has found that many partners do not speak the same love language. That’s why many couples wonder — “What happens to the love after the wedding?”
Which love language is your partner primary love language? See if you can identify his or her love language from Dr Chapman’s five love languages.
1. Language: Words of Affirmation
How to Tell: The person speaking this love language beams when they hear verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging words and kind words.
How to Speak: Give loves notes, cards, quotes, poems and compliments. Hide a note with words of appreciation under their pillow.
2. Language: Physical Touch
How to Tell: – The person speaking this love language feels love through touch. They yearn for their spouses to reach out and touch them physically.
How to Speak: Stroke their back, massage their body, hold their hand, kiss, embrace or have sexual intercourse.
3. Language: Quality Time
How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels love when they have your undivided attention.
How to Speak: Be fully present with your partner by turning off the TV, computer and cell phone. Engage in activities such as eating, biking, walking, dancing or just lying in bed talking.
4. Language: Acts of Service
How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels loved when something is done for them with generosity.
How to Speak: Vacuum the rug, hang a bird feeder, clean the car, cook a meal or paint a room. You can simply ask “Can I do anything for you?”
5. Language: Gifts
How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels the powerful message of love when they receive a gift.
How to Speak: Provide this person with a gift that demonstrates that you put careful thought into the selection of the gift. The price of the gift is insignificant! What is very important is that you are giving them what they want, not what you want.
Dr. Chapman understands that the love languages can overlap and yet insists that there is a predominant love language for every human being. To discover yours, ask yourself, “Which one can’t I live without?”
To assist you further in this inquiry, Dr. Chapman suggests you ask yourself the following three questions:
- How do I show love to others? This may indicate how you want to be loved.
- What do I complain about, or feel hurt about? The opposite of this may be my love language.
- What do I request most often? Chances are this makes you feel loved.
When you choose to speak your partner’s primary love language and there’s nothing but love in the air, your relationship can soar to new heights!
We appreciate Dr. Chapman for teaching us about the five love languages. In our book, Madly In Love Forever, we share more teachings and wisdom that have served us to love more, in greater detail.
Our final advice for Valentine’s Day: Figure out what Love Language your partner speaks and give him or her a present that speaks to his or her Love Language. It could be your best Valentine’s Day ever.