A survey of more than 100 couples in successful, love-filled, happy relationships revealed that patient non-judgment is an important skill to master. Being non-judgmental means reducing how often we decide if our partner’s behavior, ideas, decisions or appearances are good or bad. Being patient means not expecting instant perfection from our partners. Anyone who wants to improve their relationship or marriage can start practicing these skills together. Patient non-judgment is a powerful way to build a happy relationship, starting right now.
Everyone wants to be appreciated for who they are. This means that your partner will be different from you in some ways. One of the reasons you cultured a relationship or marriage together is because you appreciated who your partner was. As time goes by, however, you may start to see flaws in your partner. In some ways, they are different from you. They are not always exactly what you expected, and they don’t always act the way you want!
When you first fall in love, your biology makes you focus on the things you like about your partner, and de-emphasize the things you might not like. As this initial biological effect wears off, you will need to develop appreciation for what makes your partner unique. It is not “bad” to be different. Don’t judge it!
If you are judging your differences, you are not loving your partner. If you are less judgmental, you will find that your partner’s perceived faults will not be irritating. You will react differently to perceived offences. Speak out your appreciation! Every day, tell your partner how much you like his or her special strengths. Give praise and appreciation and thankfulness, even for small things.
There may be some things about your partner that you don’t understand or enjoy. When working through these problems, be more accepting.
The survey respondents noted that when two people join together in a relationship, things are not perfect at all times. In an age of instant messaging, Blackberries, and microwave ovens, we expect instant gratification on everything! In the same way, we often expect any relationship or marriage problems to be solvable in less than five minutes. With an “instant gratification” attitude, of course we will get impatient with our partner! Think long-term, and don’t expect instant relationship miracles.
Impatience can lead to feelings of anger, frustration and even hopelessness. When you feel that way, your partner will most likely copy you. Now you will both be miserable! Choose to be patient and stop judging your partner, and he or she will probably start to be closer, more loving, less judgmental and more patient, too.